effects of caffeine overdose

effects of caffeine overdose

on my ipod: you should have known better by monica

as you guys all know, i still have no clue as to what i am doing. what's worse, i am suffering from caffeine overdose as i write this (that's what i get for drinking 5 tall cups in one day, damn those peppermint mochas!). so if you think this entry is jumpy, has no sense or is way pointless, you know the reason.

i actually asked for an intervention. my really good friend and official "shrink" alex and i met up the other day and discussed all my psych and emotional problems, and the necessary steps that i need to take. in between hot peppermint mochas and frappuccinos, he discussed to me with a level head that i have in fact a still-normal life with normal problems a regular 22-year old would have. although i am quite old for the job that i have right now (why did i even consider a "career" in this field is beyond me), i am still young for the career path that i wish to take (which is in media). although he told me that if i want to make a difference in my life, i have to do it NOW and i have to do the first step--which is to find out what i really what i want to do in life (which is writing, i think) and apply,apply, apply. so here i am, at work and looking at job searches while i'm at it. whoever said starting over is hard wasn't kidding. but i'm TRYING. i'm actually TRYING to:

1. have the courage to apply even though i've been out of circulation for over a year;

2. get up from the mistakes and bad career moves i made in the past 3 years;

3. rebuild my life and redefine my goals;

4. find out what really is my passion in life;

5. not to breakdown and cry although it is so much easier to do so.

alex knows me too well. he knows that when i say: "i'm trying," i'm actually not trying that hard. so part of my TRYING list is TRYING REALLY REALLY HARD. i must be really messed up.

goals in life

goals in life

on my ipod: emotion by destiny's child

nothing to say today, actually. i'm having a bad day at work (as usual). i really, really want to quit my job, and go back to my industry. what is stopping me is my bills, the fact that my salary will be on hold for a month, and all those crap. i must really save up if i want to change careers. and i have to do it asap.

i know it's bad, but i so envy my college buddy. she just resigned from her bank job and got a career at events. and to think she has been on her past job for 2 years already whereas i can't even hold a job for more than a year. i must really do some serious thinking.

so, i created goals for myself. i have a total of 13 goals so far, which i will update from time to time as i am assessing what i want to do in my life. i hope to accomplish everything by next year (although there are some really long term goals). wish me luck guys...

by the way, you could see my goals here at the sidebar------------------>

desiderata: new version

desiderata: new version

on my ipod: youth of the nation by POD

wow. i'm updating my blog like crazy. i must be really bored with my life. personal note to self: look for a career asap. anyway, i saw this new version of Desiderata (this is not the one by Max Ehrman, by the way) i'm not a real religous person, but with all the stuff that's happening in my life right now, i think it fits, so there. credit goes to shell-shell since i saw this in her blog. :-)

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry for the wrong reasons.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old
enough and know better.

Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won,
only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy, a cat or a bunny.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends,
nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry. Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot. Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself.
Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except God.

It is true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

flashback...

flashback...

on my ipod: stupid girl by garbage

i just realized today that mum was right. that no matter what everyone says, when you get out of school, cliques or the whole popularity thing doesn't matter. what matters is what you do after graduation.

i met up with my old college friend jeanne this morning. it was pure coincidence, i went up to our building's deck to smoke when, lo and behold, there she was about to go for a dip. i never realized that we are neighbors! we ended up spending the whole afternoon together just bonding. she's also going through a tough breakup (is this the season of heartbreak?) so we were just ranting about exes, failed relationships and life.

the funny thing is jeanne and i were never that close in college. sure, we were in the cheerleading squad together and there was that one intro to comm class where we produced our own talk show. but we were never really in the same circle of friends. i hung out with the "socialites" (those people who partied hard and went out almost everyday, even on a school night) whereas she hung out with the "pop girls" (insanely popular modelesque girls who always made the dean's list. in short: perfect). but there we were, talking and laughing like old friends catching up with the latest scandals of our batchmates (like who got pregnant, went to the us and the like) and what we're doing right now (she just finished an underwater shoot for a european calendar whereas i still have no idea what to do with my life). we ended up making plans to go to embassy for the weekend.

i guess after 2 years of graduation, your gpa or popularity doesn't really matter. when you see someone from your old world, it's such a relief to know that you are not the only one struggling in this mad, mad world.

reflections on a bad day

reflections on a bad day

on my ipod: underneath it all by gwen stefani

my day is just starting and already i'm having a really bad day. to start off, i just found out that my major crush just got engaged last month. then our friendly neighborhood starbucks is closed so i can't get my usual morning dose of java. and to think i'm working on a weekend! some things are just not fair.

this horrible mood got me thinking though. about my purpose why i'm putting up with this job that has no relation whatsoever to my career path. i mean, right now, i don't have a career. i have a job. a high paying job, yes, but it's doing nothing for the self-gratification shit that i'm so into when i was still fresh out of college. what the hell happened?

i know the answer to that. stress happened. there i was, in a job that has been the envy of my batchmates, but then, i wasn't happy as i was when i was still a working student for mtv. i wanted a job that i would really enjoy, as my college professor once put it: "do a job that you love and you would never have to work a day in your life." and so i quit. and a couple of wrong career moves later, here i am, in a job that i never would have even dreamed of considering back then.

it sucks because i'm actually missing my old life, my old career. i want to go back, but i don't know where to start. it has been a year since i have been exposed to the media industry, and i'm kinda scared of reentering that world again. because i'm not that young anymore. and there is always some fresh grad out there who is better than me.

but that little voice inside me keeps screaming to me: "to hell with your fears!" i mean, i was always fearless when it comes to important decisions in life. what happened to that woman? i guess since i am older, i have more responsibilities now than i did then. which makes this decision a lot harder than it seems. but i know i have to do this if i want to have the peace of mind and the self-gratification that i'm seeking. i know i have to start now and walk away from this life. and as scared as i am, i know i have to. not for anybody else but me.

relationships and then some

relationships and then some

on my ipod: no woman no cry by bob marley

the big breakup. three words that mean a lot of things: broken hearts, messy fights and a lot of tears. we all have different coping styles whenever we experience a big breakup. some cry their hearts out and bash everything about prince charming until his whole being would reduce to a frog. others will pig out. my personal choice is to shop my heart out and get a makeover. but whenever coping style one would chose, there is always one goal: to forget the past and move on.

it's a cliche, isn't it? the whole love thing. the cycle is always the same: you meet someone, fall in love, have a major fight, breakup & move on. then repeat. i mean, for those out there who has already experienced a breakup or has an idea of what a broken heart feels like, why bother to experience the whole process again but this time with a different partner? it makes me wonder why we humans are programmed to think that we will only be happy if we have someone.

i know my outlook is very "down with love"-like. but i really do believe that we really don't need someone to make us truly happy. because no one will ever love us more but ourselves. so why delegate the task to someone who will eventually break your heart?

my advice to everyone out there who is currently experiencing a heartbreak is to not look for love. no one will ever make you happy but you. wipe your tears, go out and do something that you really love not for anybody else but you. may it be travel, shop or a make over. now that the biggest thorn of your life is gone, it's time to celebrate life. and you'll be surprised to think why you haven't done it before.