reflections on a bad day

reflections on a bad day

on my ipod: underneath it all by gwen stefani

my day is just starting and already i'm having a really bad day. to start off, i just found out that my major crush just got engaged last month. then our friendly neighborhood starbucks is closed so i can't get my usual morning dose of java. and to think i'm working on a weekend! some things are just not fair.

this horrible mood got me thinking though. about my purpose why i'm putting up with this job that has no relation whatsoever to my career path. i mean, right now, i don't have a career. i have a job. a high paying job, yes, but it's doing nothing for the self-gratification shit that i'm so into when i was still fresh out of college. what the hell happened?

i know the answer to that. stress happened. there i was, in a job that has been the envy of my batchmates, but then, i wasn't happy as i was when i was still a working student for mtv. i wanted a job that i would really enjoy, as my college professor once put it: "do a job that you love and you would never have to work a day in your life." and so i quit. and a couple of wrong career moves later, here i am, in a job that i never would have even dreamed of considering back then.

it sucks because i'm actually missing my old life, my old career. i want to go back, but i don't know where to start. it has been a year since i have been exposed to the media industry, and i'm kinda scared of reentering that world again. because i'm not that young anymore. and there is always some fresh grad out there who is better than me.

but that little voice inside me keeps screaming to me: "to hell with your fears!" i mean, i was always fearless when it comes to important decisions in life. what happened to that woman? i guess since i am older, i have more responsibilities now than i did then. which makes this decision a lot harder than it seems. but i know i have to do this if i want to have the peace of mind and the self-gratification that i'm seeking. i know i have to start now and walk away from this life. and as scared as i am, i know i have to. not for anybody else but me.